The wind would blow me away if I hadn't been eating so much nutella lately.

Just when I think it can't get any colder, the wind wind kicks in. Ladies and gentleman, the wind chill is -17 degrees celcius with gusts of up to 45km/hr. No wonder the skin on my face and hands feels like it's going to burn right off. It hurts... but I am really figuring out how to layer now. Two socks, two pants, three shirts, two jackets etc. And I'm learning how to do it in hip euro-style too! Yay! :)


A couple days ago my host mom and I went on a walk so I could see that beach I have yet to explore even though it's a five minute walk behind the house. (Too cold man, toooo cold.) It's going to be a great place to run once it warms up a bit. I can't wait for spring!

In the first picture you can see Copenhagen in the distance:

I really enjoy the relationship I'm building with my host mom. I feel so comfortable around her and like I'm truly being listened to. Her happiness is absolutely infectious and we can talk about all sorts of things. The way she sticks to her beliefs yet keeps an open mind is really admirable, too. Most nights after dinner we just hang out on the couch drinking tea with the fire going and the tealights all aglow while I do my homework and she watches the news. It's absolute "hygge". This term is a huge part of the Danish culture and pretty much means "coziness" or "tranquility". It encompasses those good feelings you get while you sit around a bonfire on a midsummer night having a couple drinks with the people you care about dearly. Good times. :)

Valentine's Day came and went very nicely. I actually kind of forgot about it because there isn't red, heart-shaped junk for sale all over the place. The Danish don't really celebrate Valentine's Day although some couples do like to do little things for each other sometimes. The only thing I noticed once that was Valentine's-like was a flower shop with red balloons that said "I love you" on them. I recieved a huge lovely package full of candy hearts, see's chocolate, hot chocolate, heart shaped marshmellows... I could go on... all from my mom. I couldn't believe how much was in that box, lol. She put a lot of thought into it, too. My host mom and sister also got me chocolates and tea which was also very sweet. I am very loved. :)

- Jenn <3

"You see I'm just trying 2 live."

Wow, things just get busier and busier. I got back from my first study tour to Jutland about a week ago and prompty became sick most likely because I was in a bus filled with a dozen other sick DIS students. It's just a cold, but it's almost been a week now and I'd much rather run around Copenhagen and do my homework than sleep constantly and have no desire to leave the house. Ugh. I've been really wanting to write a blog but I haven't even been able to concentrate because I've just been so exhausted and I usually just fall asleep.

Anyways, I think I hit my first unsurprising rough patch after everything going so well for so long. My grandpa died about five days or so after I arrived and although I wasn't close to him it was more difficult to deal with my mom. I'm not very close to her either and she loves me dearly, but we have a very... tumultuous relationship that's remained civil since I moved out. She really needed someone to talk to (like me) and because I'm here trying to start up my new life again and I really don't know how to talk to her or what to say because it usually leads to fighting, I just kind of... remained unresponsive to all of her attempts to contact me. And all the while it made me feel terribly guilty because I want to her to feel better but... I just didn't know what to say? I'm not going to get into how complicated this entire issue is because that would probably take me at least 50 blog entries, but I was basically getting stressed out.

Also, I've just started meeting all of these new people but I'm not really close to them yet so it started to make me feel a little homesick for my friends. This was especially true on the study tour. I don't if it's the age difference (everyone here is 20 and I usually spend time with people my age or older) or that people are tired of meeting each other, but I just couldn't seem to click with anyone and I was getting the impression that being myself isn't a welcomed thing. From what I've noticed most people are on a completely different page than I am. For me college has just been more classes that I need to get over with and I mostly focus on working, hobbies, and my friends. But now that I'm here I'm like SCHOOL! YES! I can finally focus on it because my classes are amazing! Everyone else is like ALCOHOLLLL!!! YESS!!! Either way, so far I've been too exhausted to do much real partying so I'm kind of missing out. For now.

Backing up a bit, I need to talk about the study tour to get to my point. That trip was jam-packed with stuff to do. We visited the happiest workplace in the world, Middelfart Sparekasse Bank to learn about the company policies, a univeristy for a psychology debate, the largest tropical zoo in northern Europe, on brewery tour that included three free beers (I wish I liked beer...), did sumo wrestling and bull riding (which I've been wanting to do for forever!), ate tons of delicious Danish food, and many other things. I was totally excited about going to Middelfart, mostly because I'm 90% immature when it comes to bodily functions. What? They're hilarious!

I would have to say that my part of the trip was on our final day (possibly because I finally got some sleep plus a good nap on the bus so I was actually mentally ready to take on the day). We went to an alternative university called KaosPilots which focuses on entrepreneurship. I feel like the entire experience at Kaospilots was half a bonding exercise and half a personal-mental-refreshment exercise. At the beginning, we all took a moment to go around the room and each personally say what our best experience in Denmark had been so far and I loved hearing what everyone had to say. We also did personal exercises, writing down seven things each for things we are passionate about, are talented at, and despise. I was finally starting to feel connected with my classmates.

Another part of our time at KaosPilots was spent in a quiet meditation contemplating what we want out of our time at DIS. We did an exercise where we imagined ourselves at the end of the semester, about to leave Denmark and considered what we might feel about our experience and where we would go from there. Personally, I have no idea what I expect to be like or accomplish after these four months. I could see myself standing there, but my future just fades into a blank. I mean, right now I’m living in a place I never imagined I’d be and this year I’ve accomplished things I had only slightly dreamed of accomplishing a couple years ago. Plus, as I’ve only just arrived here, I’m still getting into a routine, recovering from the constantly exhausted state I always put myself in, and getting to know the people around me. In the past week I’ve only just begun to feel like I might know what I want to do with my life. In the past week. All I know is that I’m really grateful to be here and I’m doing my best to make the most of this experience in ways I’m still figuring out.

Anyway, before the whole meditation thing, I was starting to feel pretty mixed up about what I want to do with myself and my experiences with travel, my personal life, academics at DIS and what I truly want from my time in Denmark. The overstimulation of constantly meeting new people, navigating through a new environment, my family issues, missing my friends and exhaustion without any time to take a break was starting to be a little much. I felt my self-assurance wavering. However, that time to sit and quietly contemplate was very calming. Overall I felt this urge to trust—to not worry so much--and just let myself sink into my new life here. Remembering that I am exactly where I want to be is very reassuring. I may not know where I'm going in life, but it in no way feels like the wrong direction.

In other news, I met some girls that are in a pole club back in the states and we decided to start taking pole dancing here. Today I did my first inversion (going upside-down)! Hurray! Jenyne Butterfly has also become my new hero. She is so buff and classy! Check it out!:

I know a lot of people may not agree with this type of exercise, but uh... you can suck it? 'Cause I like it. :) I was actually really nervous to tell my host mom about it because I've only told a couple people about my lessons in the states, but I wanted to be honest with her because she's just... awesome. Even though she doesn't care for it very much she was very supportive of me and said that if that's what I enjoy, I should absolutely do it. Happy day! :)

That's all for now~

Settling.

I think I'm finally starting to settle in after two weeks, although I'm still exhausted most of the time. During one of my classes I nearly fell out of my chair because I started falling asleep... whoops. Before I left I was really excited about meeting many new people, going out etc. which I still am of course, but my priorities have really started to shift since classes started. This academic program is just so much better than PSU. On wednesday I went on a field study with my 'psychology of the criminal mind' class to see a man who had been convicted of homicide and finished his time in Denmark's infamous open prison system. I learned about Denmark's rehabilition programs, the way their prison system works and what it's like to begin a new life after being released from prison. It was fascinating.

In my other class, human trafficking, we had to watch the movie Lilya 4-ever. It's about the true story (and they really do stick to the true story) of 16 year old Estonian girl who is abandoned by her mother and sold into prostitution in Sweden. The film does an excellent job of representing the vulnerability and helplessness of people who are trafficked, but it's really hard to watch towards the end. The girl sitting next to me immediately fled the class bawling her eyes out after it finished. I also just finished reading The Road of Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam. I highly recommend looking into both of these. Although they're painful to read/watch, they are raw and show the world as it is --no sugar coating--for millions of women and children. Yes, I said millions. Jesus Christ. There are more people today who are being trafficked than there were during the old slave trade. It's absolutely horrible.

This class is definitely going to be dark one. I can tell that my professor wants us to be deeply affected by the information she's giving us and I already am, but I'm also really excited too. She's going to be giving us the tools to actually do something about it. Finally! We're going to get training in social work. For so long I've been learning about the poverty, oppression, trauma-- whatever--that human beings face, and I've constantly been thinking "What can I do to fix this? What can I do to help? Where do I start?" The only thing I ever hear is that I need to donate money to this or that etc to help the victims, but what about prevention work? I want to know about that and I want to get involved. And I'm very happy to finally have the opportunity to learn how.

Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes. :) I think I'll end this with a little glimpse of some of the delicious food I've been eating so far (especially my host mom's). It's all sooo yummy! I'd totally be jealous. ;P

Tata!

Exploring

Well, it's been a busy first week here in Denmark. During my classes many of us American students have been asked why we decided to pick this little country among so many others as the one we would reside in for the next six months. One of the reasons many people gave was that they want to know why the Danish are so happy. This country is constantly ranked the happiest in the world after all. Today I got to watch this video clip of a 60 Minutes special that explains Danish culture and its relation to happiness very well. It's really good:

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4181996n&tag=related;photovideo


One of the things in the video that touched me was the theory that Danes have low expectations, therefore they are rarely disappointed and more content with life. After various difficult experiences in my own life I have ended up thinking the same thing and I believe I even mention it in an earlier entry. If I expect nothing from anyone and only truly rely on myself, I will not be disappointed over and over. Honestly, I don't feel like this is a pessimistic way of thinking for me. I think it's simply realistic. I expect nothing and hope for the best because despite anyone's good intentions, we are all at least a little selfish and have to look out for ourselves. When I had changed my thinking to this, I began noticing my good experiences more often than the bad ones. If someone did something kind to me, I was much more joyous about it because I had not expected their kindness at all. Perhaps it's a part of why I am so happy all of the time nowadays?


Anyway, I'm not trying to create some debate on the philosphy of life and happiness and it doesn't mean I tolerate being disrespected either. These are just passing thoughts as I connect with the world around me. I really want to understand this country I live in and make it a part of my life.

On Saturday, after a crazy smokey night at a night club (with free booze!) full of 699 other twenty-year-old drunk and horny DIS students, my host mom took my sleepy self to Christiania. This is a sort of state within a state or a really large commune in the middle of Copenhagen. Basically, it's full of hippies who made the place they started out squatting in, which use to be an abandoned military base, their permanent home. It started out as a kind of societal experiment and it's been around for over 40 years, but it's on valuable land and right now decisions on if it should last are going up to the highest court in Denmark.

Picture time!:

This is the chart of rules Christiania goes by. It started out as more of an anarchist commune, but that led to various problems so now hard drugs, private vehicles, weapons, violence, biker colors (Copenhagen is having a lot of problems with Hell's Angels right now. Who knew?) etc. are no longer allowed.

A simple shop that looked completely awesome inside. Another example of how the Danish make sure the inside of their homes etc have a unique and cozy atmosphere.

















Everything, and I mean everything is covered in graffiti. It's pretty intense sometimes.
















The main entrance. How quaint. :)












And a lot of the graffiti was beautiful too.

















The government has tapped all phone lines to prevent hard drug trade and marijuana from being sold outside of Christiania.















"The dream that never dies. Longing for freedom."











Over the river that goes through Christiania with my host mom. It was completely frozen over! (and I nearly was too. >.>) Never seen that before!










The Swedish embassy in Christiania because apparently the Sweds who come there tend to drink/smoke too much and cause trouble. Didn't expect that did you?

I really enjoyed my time there and I think my host mom had a good time too. It was definitely a great and enlightening experience even though during the best part you weren't allowed to take pictures. That was on Pusher Street. All the buildings were spray painted that colorful psychedelic way. There was even a 10ft memorial painting of Nataja, a singer who had been friends with many of the people who lived in Christiania, but died at about my age in a car crash in Jamaica. There were large dogs running around, people huddled by scattered fire barrels and several stands selling large (and I mean large) amounts of pot and hash. The atmosphere had that sweet air of wildness I absolutely revel in. I think it's really interesting to imagine what it would be like to live in such a tight-knit community where things are traded and everyone just chills out, smokes pot, paints the walls and lives for freedom. Perhaps I'm getting too unrealistic, haha.

This Wednesday I'm excited because I'll be going there again with my Danish language class. And this time, I'll be wearing my wool hiking socks. I forgot wear them on Saturday and I thought my toes were going to fall off.

Peace!

Brr.

Over the past several days I've been settling into my new home. My host mom is just so happy all of the time. She and Linnea are also very close. It kind of makes me sad that such good things are so foreign and strange to me, but I'm happy to be experiencing it right now.I feel very welcomed and comfortable here. I've been pretty nervous about doing the whole host family thing again after the crap that went down in Japan, but based on experiences other people have had with their host families, I know giving it another try is definitely not a bad idea.

As I was walking home from the train station I was thinking about how much easier and just... nicer it's been this time around so far. I've instantly met many new friends, I'm welcomed here everyday, and have a lot of support through the DIS program. My host family also doesn't make assumptions about me and seem to be open and accepting. Sometimes they look at something I'm doing that's apparently strange (what don't I do that's strange? lol) and ask "Is that something Americans do you or is it just you?" and then we all laugh. I love that they ask me that. :) It's really hard to open up and make myself so vulnerable again and again, but I know that's a huge part of growing as a person, making sweet memories, and truly connecting with other wonderful people, so I'm doing my best despite how paralyzingly terrified I feel sometimes. But yeah. It's only been five days since I got here so I'll try not to get ahead of myself, haha.

Anyway, a something I've noticed: despite the icey, gray winter outside, the Danes seem to keep the inside of their homes/buildings very cozy (and amazingly decorated, too! It's so cool!). I've noticed they also really, really like candles. My room has tealights all over the place. I was told by one of the Danish professors that the candles are supposed to traditionally "chase away the dark of winter". I love the romantic calm of it and definitely want to bring this part of the culture back to the states.


This morning the sun decided to show itself for the first time since I arrived and it was beautiful:

Since Monday, I've been going through orienation at school. There are 700 students here from the US. Usually we spend a few hours in the morning listening to information about extracurricular activites, living with a host family etc, the Danish culture, and then are sent away on 3-6 hour scavenger hunts throughout Copenhagen. We all end up grouping with random people and searching around for grocery stores, DIS buildings, libraries etc. It's pretty fun, but veeery cold. Unless I wear the wool hiking socks my mom got me, all my toes are numb by the time we finish. >.> The first day we all ended up in H&M and drinking too much coffee to keep warm. And everyday I regret drinking coffee because not only is it at least $7 for a cheap cup, but I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and die once the caffine kicks in. But it's just so warm and delicious that I buy it again anyway. >.<

Here's some of the places I've been exploring on my long scavenger hunts:

This is at the changing of the guard at the royal palace. I love their hats! (And yes, he's pissed.) If you get too close they'll slam their guns on the ground. It's so loud and scares the crap out of everyone nearby. If you get too, too close apparently they'll just wack you with them. Ouch.

Danishes! Sooo tasty!

I really can't wait to get settled into a nice routine with school, friends, host family, travel etc. (although I'm dreading the several research papers looming ahead). Yesterday I just found out that I'm not actually going to Scotland like I thought. I'm going to Italy instead! :O Definitely can't complain there. I think all of my classes are going to be very hands on which I'm very excited about. Reading text and then getting tested on the text is so... lame. Class here is actually scheduled Monday & Tuesday, and Thursday & Friday, with Wednesday being saved for the many field studies my classes have in which we'll be going on field trips to museums, listening to guest speakers, going to the redlight district, and even to gay bars (with spending money to buy beer!) to interview gay Danish men about their views of homosexuality in Scandinavia. I can't wait for all of the learning ahead of me! So excited! :)

Here I am~

I've arrived in Copenhagen, Denmark. It's pretty cold and grey here, and the ground is covered with with random piles of that dirty left-over snow. It's not the prettest place in the dead of winter. However, those dark, skeleton-like trees are everywhere so I have a feeling spring will be full of beautiful blossoms (hopefully minus the allergies). There's also a large park behind my new home that leads directly to the beach of a sea I don't know the name of. I can't wait to explore the area and go running, too.

My 16 hour flight went pretty well. I managed to sleep through most of the first half due to the exhausted state I seem to magically keep myself in 24/7. Landing in Chicago was pretty cool. The ground was a white I've never seen before.

My next flight to Amsterdam was also pretty cool. So many little things happened during those 16 hours that are what I think make travel so great, but I can't remember most of them now because I was too tired to write last night. However, I do remember the flight attendant chic who's hair was done mini-super sayan style. Pretty damn cool if you ask me. I tried not to stare, I really did, but everytime she walked by Vegeta popped into my head and I couldn't pull my eyes away. As we landed there, I looked outside and the sea was filled with giant windmills. Seriously, these things are at least 100ft high. It looked really cool.

Another silly little thing I remember happened when I arrived in Copenhagen. The airport floor in the baggage claim area was incredibly smooth in a slippery sort of way and I had decided to load my baggage into a cart while I walked to the area where I would be picked up instead of carrying it all. Well, I happened to go down a little hill. The floor was so slippery that I couldn't stop the weight of the cart from speeding down the hill so I ended up being dragged along, awkwardly sliding down the hill with my cart and my legs stuck straight down in front of me all the while laughing because I felt so ridiculous. Good times.

I've met my host family and they seem very kind. My host mom, Dorte, is 48, divorced and has a daughter, Linnea, who is 14. They get along so well and the lack of tension in this home is very foreign in a relaxing way I welcome with open arms. I don't want to jinx myself, but I think things will go pretty well with us. Japan has taught me a lot of lessons I won't have relearn the hard way and I'm thankful for the ease of my first couple days. And look at my room! It's so cozy and cool! I even have wireless internet. :) (That stuffed dog scared the crap out of me at first every time I walked into my room because I kept thinking it was real... >.>)

So here I am living in Denmark, the happiest country in the world where Lego and the Little Mermaid were created. The divorce rate is 35%, their gender equality is ranked as one of the best in the world despite the fact the 90% of the highest government employees are male. They have no national debt and there's pretty blue eyeballs paired with shockingly real blonde hair everywhere. Right now we have about seven hours of daylight a day. Yes, the sun does set at about three-thirty. By May, we will have seventeen hours of daylight a day.

Crazy, no?

The Push.

“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.”
– Mark Jenkins

5/18/10
I'm free and the world is sitting next to me, open and unhindered. It's raw and horrendous and filled with hope.

My hunger for life is insatiable.